Today I took the whole day off. Two days ago, I decided to shift my appts, and postpone all meetings by a few days. The fact is I haven’t taken a day off for most of 2020. I needed to give myself permission. As soon as I did, others supported me fully.
I am aware of the fact that this is a luxury that many of us feel we do not have (urgent meetings, decisions, customers, clients!). As an entrepreneur the pressure is even higher to constantly “GO”. However, I decided that it was time to take care of ME today.
The fact is, I felt these emotions coming on the last days. I felt depleted. I felt angry. I felt scared. I felt powerless. I felt ashamed. And most of all, I felt the utmost sadness and pain for what is happening around the world.
I am a pretty “in tune with my emotions” kind of gal. I also do a good job to self-manage, be mindful, and keep calm. I have been doing my best to keep positive, support my family, support my friends, support my clients, care for others, reframe, be loving and kind, and to try to keep a good spirit and connection with those I love the most. I practice gratitude (with a journal pretty regularly!)… for the most part, I am able to be quite “Zen”.
But today, I wanted to lower my bar of "doing good". I wanted to let my current reality of emotion that has crept in slowly really sink in. I allowed to let myself feel. I let myself cry. I let myself listen to heavy metal music really loud and let out my anger and frustration (my poor neighbors:). I let myself BE with whatever was coming up. I eventually went out to go food shopping in the afternoon. Even there, I was getting emotional as I looked at the other people in masks. Somehow, I intuitively felt through the barriers, that they were trying to get their survival items to get back home as quickly as possible to their new reality as well.
We are all going through our emotional journeys through this crisis. All of our journeys look different. Some seem to have it all together, while others are struggling to keep it going. We are all at different points during our days, as are others. It is amazing that we somehow find a way to connect with those we love and to get on the same page at all!
And sometimes, we never eventually find a way to get on the same page or emotional wavelength. Sometimes our journeys are out of sync with the ones that we love most and yearn to connect with. This reality can hurt the most.
What is my message out of all of this personal sharing ?
I urge all of you to take some time to "feel". To process for yourself (and only you) what is going on in your emotional world. This situation of COVID-19 is a lot for everyone. Even those of us that luckily have our jobs and health, we too have our emotions to bear. Our world is changing quickly. There is a lot of pain and suffering going on around us. We don’t know what the new normal will look like. This is justification enough to feel however we may at any given moment.
It doesn’t have to be on others agendas or time schedules. It just needs to happen on our terms and when we feel it. We are all human. We all yearn for true connection. At the same time, we have emotions that may or may not serve "connection" with others at that moment.
We have all been given a gift of solitude to feel. We all have the ability to make a decision to use this time to feel ourselves. Only be looking honestly within, can we be our best selves with those that we love..... full of mindfulness, service, gratitude, compassion and love.